Relationship Stages That All Couples Go Through

By: Elizabeth Arthur

Wondering what relationship stage you’re in right now? Here are the 9 relationship stages that all couples go through, no matter how the love starts. 

Relationships are unique.

And one experience of love is never ever the same.

You may have been in several relationships in your life, and all of them may have been very different from the earlier one.

But there are a few traits about every single relationship that binds all relationships along a similar path.

Relationship stages in your love life

• Relationships, just like life, have their own stages. It starts off with infatuation and goes through several stages along the way.

• And these stages are like tests that check your compatibility with each other.

• Go wrong anywhere along the way, and your relationship will take the brunt of the fall.

• Have you ever met a couple who seemed like they were going to stay together forever, but ended up breaking up a few years later?

• Perhaps, in all probability, they went wrong in one of these stages of the relationship.

The 9 relationship stages that all couples experience

• Are you in a new relationship? Or are you in a seasoned relationship with someone you’ve been with for several years?

• It doesn’t matter how long your relationship has lasted, because all the relationships will fit snugly in one of these relationship stages.

• Find your own relationship stage here, and it’ll definitely help you understand your own love life better.

Stage 1 The infatuation stage.
This is the first stage in every relationship. It almost always starts with an intense attraction and an uncontrollable urge to be with each other. Both of you may be intensely sexually attracted to each other, or both of you may just love the cuddles and each other’s company. In this stage, both of you overlook any flaws of each other and only focus on the good sides.

Stage 2 The understanding stage.
In this stage, both of you start getting to know each other better. You have long conversations with your partner that stretches late into the night, and everything about your partner interests and fascinates you. You talk about each other’s families, exes, likes and dislikes and other innocent secrets, and life seems so beautiful and romantic.

Stage 3 The stage of disturbances.
This stage usually forces its way into a happy romance after a few months of blissful courting. Do you remember the first fight or angry disagreement you and your partner had? For the first time ever in the relationship, both of you confront each other over a conflict, even though it’s sorted out quickly.

Stage 4 The opinion maker.
In this stage, both of you create opinions about each other. As the months pass by, both of you know what to expect from each other, and you make an assumption about your partner’s commitment towards the relationship.

When these opinions and expectations about your partner differ now and then in real life, it can either leave you ecstatic or depressed.

You don’t expect your man to buy you flowers, but he does. You feel ecstatic. At the same time, you expect him to pick you up from the airport on time. But he arrives an hour later because he forgot all about picking you up. It depresses you.

Stage 5 The moulding stage.
You have your own expectations from an ideal partner. And in this stage, both of you try hard to mould each other to fit your own wants in a perfect partner. This stage is a lot about give and take, and both partners constantly try to subtly convince each other to change their behavior towards the relationship. This is a power struggle, and one that can end the relationship if both partners are domineering.

Stage 6 The happy stage.
If the relationship survives past the moulding stage, both of you may have changed equally for each other and understood each other’s expectations. In this stage, the relationship cruises along perfectly and both of you may be blissfully happy with each other.

Almost always, this is the stage when both of you feel like a perfect match. You may even decide to get engaged or get married. This happy stage is also the stage of attachment when both of you truly feel connected to each other and love each other intensely.

Stage 7 The stage of doubts.
It’s been several years since both of you have been in a relationship with each other. And somewhere along the way, doubts start to creep in. The intensity of the doubts depend on how happy both of you are in the relationship.

You start to think of your past relationships, your exes, and other prospective partners. You tie your happiness in life with your relationship. If you’re unhappy, you blame it on the relationship.

In this stage, you start comparing your relationship with other couples and other relationships. Would your relationship survive this stage? It definitely could, as long as your relationship isn’t monotonous and repetitive.

Stage 8 The sexual exploration or bust stage.
This is the stage when your sex life starts to play a pivotal role. Both your sex drives may change or one of you may get disinterested in sex.

In this stage, you either give up on passionate sex or constantly look for ways to make sex more exciting. If sexual interests start differing here, one of you may end up having an affair. But on the other hand, if you find creative ways to make sex more exciting, your relationship could get better and bring both of you a lot closer.

Stage 9 The stage of complete trust.
This is the happy stage when both of you love each other and trust each other completely. But at the same time, the unbreakable trust in each other could also turn into taking each other for granted.

In this stage, both of you know the direction of the relationship and both of you are completely happy with each other and find it easy to predict each other’s behavior and decisions. But with stability in love comes the urge to take each other for granted.

As pleasant as this final stage of love may be, it’s still no excuse to take each other lightly or stop appreciating each other, because love is an intense emotion that can be rekindled by anyone else at any time if you fail to express your romance to your lover.

If you’re in a relationship for a while, you may have experienced all or most of these relationship stages. And if you’re still in a young love, don’t let the dark side of these relationship stages scare you.

Instead, look at these 9 relationship stages as stepping stones into a better future, one that’s filled with a lot of love and happiness, just as long as both of you remember to keep love alive all the time.

Signs You’re Being Selfish in the Relationship

By: Elizabeth Arthur

It’s hard for a selfish person to see their selfish side. But these 12 signs will definitely tell you if you’re being selfish in your relationship!

It’s never easy to know if you’re being selfish or giving in a relationship.

After all, you have to understand that selfishness is more of a perspective than a matter of fact.

In the middle of a discussion with your lover, do you ever feel like you could give in, but choose not to give in only because you think it makes you appear weak?

Do you believe your partner would take you lightly or tread all over you if you constantly give in, even if the consequences of giving in make no difference to you?

Aren’t we all just a little selfish?

• All of us can be selfish at times, especially when we want something badly.

• And it’s definitely not a bad thing.

• But if your selfish streak is less of an occasional occurrence and more of a behavioral trait, that’s something you need to pay attention to.

• A balance of powers exists in every relationship.

• A happy relationship hinges on a perfect balance, and even a slight change in the balance changes the way one or both partners look at the relationship.

• If your partner ever feels like they’re the one who’s doing all the giving, while you’re the one who’s doing all the taking, it’s only a matter of time before the relationship starts to go downhill. 

Your needs and your selfishness

Firstly, don’t ever neglect your own needs. After all, you can give your lover more happiness only when you’re full of happiness yourself. Being selfless in a relationship is a sign of unconditional love, but being too selfless can make even the nicest people take your niceness for granted!

And at times, your selfless nature could be the catalyst to an abusive relationship where you’d be controlled all the time by someone who didn’t even want to control you in the first place.

How can you tell if you’re being selfish in the relationship?

Selfishness is sign of self gratification. If you’re too self centered and believe your needs are more important than everyone else’s needs, you’re probably a selfish person even if you don’t think so.

The first step to stop being selfish is realization. You need to realize that as big or difficult as your problems may seem to you, to someone else, their own problems may appear just as demanding or difficult.

Has your partner ever told you you’re being selfish in the middle of a discussion? It takes a lot of effort and repeated occurrences of selfishness for your lover to make such a statement.

It’s not something people say easily, so if your lover ever tells you that you’re selfish, think very hard about it. There’s probably a big reason behind why they’d accuse you of something so painful. 

Communication and selfishness

If your partner ever accuses you of being selfish in the relationship, don’t hate them for it or get angry in return. Complete the discussion, and when the flaring tempers cool down, talk to your partner and try to find out why they believe you’re being selfish.

Prod your partner even if they apologize or tell you that they didn’t really mean it. If your partner could blurt out an accusation like that, there’s a good chance that some part of them believes you’re a selfish person.

Selfishness and attention seeking partners

Sometimes, when a partner accuses you of being selfish, all they may be trying to tell you is that they want more of your attention. In all probability, they’ve been trying to get your attention by texting you goodnight and good morning texts, or buying you gifts, or taking you out often. And in response, they’re hoping you’d do something nice for them too.

You, on the other hand, may not realize this. And this simple confusion could lead to your partner believing you’re selfish or too self centered.

If your partner calls you selfish, and can’t really explain themselves to you, chances are, they’re just craving for your attention! All you need to do here is reciprocate their romantic gestures with your own signs of love.

12 signs you’re being selfish in your relationship

Recognizing your selfish side isn’t the easiest thing to do, but there are a few cues that can help you see the traits and reflect on them. Use these 12 signs and find out if you’re being selfish in your relationship.

1.  Laziness.

Are you usually excited to do something you enjoy? And if it’s something your partner wants to do *that you’re not particularly excited about*, do you get bored or restless easily and try to squirm out of it?

It could be something as simple as a chore or shopping for clothes together. If only the things you enjoy excites you, but sharing your partner’s happiness from the things that they enjoy don’t matter to you, that’s a good sign that you’re a rather selfish person.

2.  Your partner usually gives in.

Every time there’s a discussion about something to do or someplace to go to, do you usually end up getting things your way even if that means leaving your partner sad or less-than-happy?

Your partner may give in each time because they love you unconditionally and want to see you happy. But it’s only a matter of time before they start to feel like their wants and desires are not addressed in the relationship.

3.  You believe your partner nags you.

Do you ever find your partner repeating the same things to you several times, little seemingly insignificant lines like “can you pick up the towel?” or “did you forget that…?”

It could be irritating to hear your partner nag you all the time, but each time they nag, you need to realize that they’re not trying to annoy you, they’re only doing it because you aren’t listening to them. There are no naggers in happy relationships because both lovers try to keep each other happy, even if it means going out of the way once in a while.

4.  You believe what you do in life is more meaningful and worthwhile.

You may have a better job or get a bigger paycheck, but that doesn’t mean you should get preferential treatment in the relationship. If you truly believe that you’re more important and your opinions matter more, you’re being conceited and selfish. [ read: 8 Signs He's a Selfish Lover ... ]

5.  Your partner is flawed.

You see your partner as flawed and expect them to change for you *probably because you believe they aren’t good enough for you*. Even if you have the same flaws yourself, you believe those flaws aren’t so significant in your case.

A good example here is weight gain. You may want your partner to lose weight because you believe they look less-than-appealing right now. On the other hand, you may be obese, and yet, you may not believe you need to change or look better for your partner. 

6.  You want it your way.

You always like doing something your way or going to places you like even if your partner wants to do something different. If your partner coaxes you to do something else or go to a different place, you sulk or pout the whole while. And as soon as your partner gives in to your bidding and does what you say, you cheer up instantly and cozy up with your partner.

Your partner may feel good at that moment when you display your affection to them, but on the inside, all they’d be thinking is just how much of a spoilt brat you are!

7.  Your ego.

You believe that losing an argument is a sign of weakness. And you just don’t like losing an argument or ending a discussion that goes against your way. This is something you do, not just in your relationship, but in every part of your life.

8.  You can’t trust your partner easily.

You love your partner, but you’re always cautious about trusting them completely because you sincerely believe that you’re the only one who can ever achieve happiness for yourself. Even if you’re dating a great guy or girl, you always look out for yourself first before looking out for your lover’s needs, because you think that’s what your partner would do anyway!

9.  You can’t be unselfish.

You may try to put your partner’s needs before yours or try to be nice to them and love them unconditionally, but you just can’t bring yourself to it. You constantly find yourself trying to sneak in a better deal for yourself in everything you do with your lover, be it about the better piece of chicken or the bigger slice of pizza, or even something bigger like planning the itinerary for a vacation.

10.  Competitive.

Being competitive is good, but there’s a thin line between healthy competition and unhealthy sacrifices. Would you put your own partner down or walk all over their plans just to win something for yourself?

If you had an assignment or a lot of work, would you bat your eyelashes and sweet talk your boyfriend or girlfriend into dropping their work *and fail at it* just so you can do well in your own work?

11. You don’t apologize.

Do you get a hard lump in your throat each time you have to apologize to your partner? You may say you’re sorry very often when you don’t mean it or for trivial things, but when it’s something that really matters, do you hold yourself back or defend yourself even though you know you’re on the wrong?

On the other hand, do you get angry or upset if your partner doesn’t apologize to you for a mistake they committed? You may not think much of this behavior of yours, but your partner would definitely think you’re selfish and conceited.

12. Emotional blackmail.

Emotional manipulation is always a selfish low blow, however you look at it. Do you withhold sex, give the silent treatment or just ignore your partner when your partner doesn’t do something your way?

Your partner may eventually accept defeat and come your way, but not without resentment and annoyance at the back of their mind. If you want something, communicate with your lover. Hurting your lover emotionally and manipulating them into giving in is a selfish way of winning arguments.

Sometimes, it’s easy to assume we aren’t being selfish and that we’re just doing the right thing for the success of the relationship. But if you see these 12 selfish signs in yourself, chances are, you’re trying to attain happiness in love by going about it the wrong way!

 

Romantic Reasons to Still Believe in True Love ...

By: Lisa Washington

If you’ve been feeling a little cynical on the relationship front, I’ve got 8 real reasons to still believe in true love! Before you roll your eyes, hear me out! There have actually been studies done by Stonybrook University in New York on true love. Using brain scans, researchers found that true love does in fact exist and it lasts a lifetime! So whether you’re a true love proponent or opponent, keep reading for some reasons to keep on believing!

1. To Have a Fairytale Ending

Fairytales aren’t the reason why I believe in true love but they sure put the idea in my young, impressionable mind! As children we got accustomed to fairytale endings where we find our Prince Charming and live happily ever after, so why should we be convinced otherwise? Our modern day Prince Charming might not look or act like the storybook type but so what? There is living proof of true love and happy endings, so why give up?

2. To Have 'That' Loving Feeling

Could I sound more nauseating about a reason to believe in true love? I sure can! If you’ve ever experienced love in any form, for a family member, friend or pet you know that it feels good to love and be loved. So imagine what it’s like to find your true love, it’s like skipping over rainbows with Boo the dog and eating calorie-free cake! Scientists even found that falling in love affects our brains like addiction, get hooked!

3. To Prove Others Wrong

If you’re one of the few who don’t need any reasons to believe in true love because you already do, keep on believing to prove others wrong! While believing in true love doesn’t necessarily guarantee it, the more receptive you are to the possibility of it, the more of chances you have of it finding you! Think about it, how many people do you know who’ve totally given up on love and then magically found it?

4. To Have a Love That Love Songs Are Written About

Finding your true love doesn’t mean you should try to make others jealous, but it’s great to have a kind of love that others talk about! All of those stories, songs, haikus and other compositions were made with someone’s true love in mind so you know it can happen and you have every reason to believe it can happen to you!

5. It’s Good for You

If feeling good isn’t one of the good reasons to believe in true love, than I don’t know what is! When you experience love our levels of dopamine increase which can have positive outcomes in our lives! Increased dopamine can be credited for increased energy, a more positive outlook and overall happiness. Finding true love can be good for your body and brain!

6. For Unconditional Love

Finding true love means you will love and be loved without conditions and limitations. Having a partner in life who loves you wholly and completely means you are treasured for being exactly who are you and totally gets you. You might think of yourself as quite peculiar, but there is someone out there who appreciates all of your quirky qualities and loves you for you.

7. To Have Someone to Spend Your Life With

Another reason to believe in true love and all its glory is to look forward to spending your life with someone. Planning your future together, looking forward to sharing good news are all part of the great things about being in love. Sure you could do this with anyone, but it’s so much more meaningful doing so with your true love!

8. Because We Believe in Anecdotal Evidence

Whether we honestly believe in anecdotal evidence or not, there’s a ton of it out there that says true love happens! We’ve all heard the stories, your friend’s friend’s cousin found her true love after a horrible breakup and they’ve been happy ever since. We all know someone who has found their true love and there is absolutely no reason that you’re not next in line!

These reasons to believe in true love might sound trite, but there are believers out there and there’s no reason not to be one of them! Being in love is incredible and when you find that one person who is your true blue love, you’re probably going to turn into one of those annoying people who you used to make fun of! Do you believe in true love?

 

7 Mistakes Women Make When Trying to Attract Men ...

By: Colina Dondas

If you are surprised to be reading this, I must tell you that there actually are a lot of mistakes women make when trying to attract men. Because sometimes they try so hard (or even too hard, I might add), they might send the wrong message and eventually they’ll end up scaring their dream guy. I know that a lot of single women nowadays are working very hard to be successful in their careers so they know (or they’ve learned) that in order to obtain something, they must get control of the situation and make it happen. Yet, sometimes too much is just too much and in those cases, it’s best to just make things happen more naturally. So, here are 7 of the most common mistakes women make when trying to attract men:

1. Wear Too Much Makeup

One of the most common mistakes women make when trying to attract men is the fact that sometimes they wear too much makeup, even if it’s not necessary. I used to have this problem myself (I absolutely love eye-shadows and glosses), but I understood that sometimes less is indeed more and that makeup should be used in order to enhance your natural beauty and not to hide it. So, let your skin breathe every now and then because you have such a pretty face with or without any makeup!

2. They Are Late on Their Dates

I know you’re all aware of that common stereotype that women are always late but as with all stereotypes, this is also false. Despite all that, some women might be tempted to do it on purpose, especially on their dates, because in their opinion, they believe that this way, that man will want them even more because he has waited for them and that must mean that he’s really interested. Well, actually, this is not the best thing you could do on your dates. Try to be punctual and show him that he and his time are important you. I’m sure you’ll give him plenty of reasons to be interested about the wonderful lady that you are.

3. They Starve Themselves

Sadly this is one of the problems most women have nowadays and this unhealthy behavior could easily turn into an eating disorder. I’m not saying you shouldn’t pay attention to what you’re eating or to where that food is coming from; I’m just advising you to never starve yourself, especially if you think that by doing this, your dream guy might like you. Most men do prefer a woman with some curves but in the end, a woman's great personality matters more than the way she looks on the outside.

4. They Wear Too Little Clothes

Another mistake a lot of women make when trying to attract men is the fact that they wear too little clothes, because they think that by showing a bit more skin they’ll definitely get that perfect man they’ve always been looking for. Well, that’s not the way to do it, because most of the time you’ll only end up attracting the wrong men that are only interested in the physical aspects of your relationship and they don’t care about the spiritual bond that should exist in every relationship between the partners.

5. They Try to Be Someone Else

Men are usually attracted to women who are authentic and genuine and who are not trying to seem someone they’re not just to please others. You shouldn’t let anyone change you! Only you will decide if you do want to change a thing or two about your behavior or not. Just don’t pretend to be someone else! A man will love you for the wonderful person that you actually are and not because you are somebody you think he wants.

6. They Lower Their Standards Because of a Timeline

Another most frequent mistake most women make when searching for Mr. Right is the fact that they often rush themselves, they are impatient and they are often willing to lower their standards because they might have a timeline. Let’s say because they decide they want get married by they’re 30 and have two kids by 35. Remember: desperation leads to bad decisions sometimes and by the way, you’ll never know when you’ll meet the love of your life and when that happens, you wouldn’t want to be married to the wrong guy.

7. They Often Think Negative Thoughts

If you are a shyer person or if you do have some problems with your self-esteem, you might think that you don’t deserve to be loved or that nobody will really be interested in you. Basically, you might focus on thinking only negative thoughts instead of positive outcomes. You may not realize yet how influential your own thoughts and words are, but you should keep in mind that by accentuating all that’s positive, you’ll not only attract more people (especially men), but you’ll also feel good about yourself.

These were, in my opinion, some of the most common mistakes women do when they’re looking for Mr. Right. I should add that another thing you should always have when you’re looking for your soul mate is the right support from your loved ones, because there have been a lot of women who have been led in the wrong direction by seemingly well-intentioned friends, so try to pick your friends carefully and seek for expert advice when you need it. Have you ever made a mistake when you were trying to attract men? Do tell!

 

Love Yourself before You Can Love Someone Else ...

By: Amber Oliver

I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying “You can’t love someone without loving yourself," and even if you haven’t, you should really look into the reasons and ways to love yourself before you can ever love another in a healthy, communicative relationship. You need to know what you love about yourself first. Whether it’s your perfect fashion sense, glossy hair, or hilarious sense of humor, you should love and be comfortable in your skin before anyone can love the same great things about you. So, I’ll start you off with a few different reasons and ways to love yourself!

1. Admire Your Quirks

Do you like to put ketchup on your pizza? Or have a dislike for matching socks? Or are you (like me) so fluent in sarcasm that people can’t tell if you’re serious or not? Well, those are the things that make you, you! The little weird quirks are a big part of you, and if you learn to love them as one of many ways to love yourself, you definitely won’t be embarrassed or ashamed of them if your lover sees them for the first time. And, if it turns out he or she doesn’t like them, then it’s their loss. See, loving yourself first helped you dodge a major bad relationship bullet!

2. Adore Your Intelligence

You don’t ever want to have to play dumb to get the guy or girl you want. If he or she doesn’t like the fact that you have a good head on your shoulders then he’s definitely not the one for you! Improving your education and knowing that you can accomplish what you want in life because you’re smart and well-rounded are all good ways to love yourself. You know that you’re not someone who can easily be taken advantage of. So, love your intelligence, and someone worthy of your knowledge will surely take notice.

3. Cherish Your Confidence

Though not everyone is super confident, I believe we all have it in us to look past the negative notions about ourselves, and focus on the positives. Are you a good cook? Can you figure out ridiculously hard math equations? There is always something--even if you have a hard time believing so--that you are proud of. Use that to fuel your confidence. Other people can sense insecurity and will prey on it. Don’t give them that chance! Be confident and love who you are, then there's a good chance you won’t become someone's doormat in the future.

4. Appreciate Your Appearance

While it’s true that family members resemble each other, no two people look exactly alike. And guess what? You should be proud of that! No one could have the same petite nose, full lips, bountiful bosoms, or long legs as you, and that’s something you have to realize. No, you’re not going to be absolutely in love with every single feature on your face, or every crevice on your body. But, it’s important to be comfortable in it! Any person you think you’re going to fall in love with or have a relationship with obviously loves the way you look, but you have to see that too. Or again, you’d end up in a position where the other person has power because of your insecurities.

5. Treasure Your Creativity

Do you enjoy writing poems or short stories? Are you a DIY maven, ready to take on any project? Are you a fearless, fierce performer? Try to think of ways in which you exhibit your creativity. Creativity is such an amazing thing because it lets you see how others’ minds work. You get to see how unique your creativity is and spread that wonderfulness to the world. Appreciate and love that uniqueness! I’m pretty sure that special someone would be impressed by it!

6. Pursue Your Passion

Have you always wanted to do something, but everyone around you told you that you couldn’t? Well, don’t let that nonsense get to you! Follow your passion, because most often, it is the deepest, truest part of you. If you pursue your passion, you’re doing something you truly enjoy. It’s so fulfilling and definitely helps you love yourself because you’re doing what’s best for you and makes you happy. No one else should dictate that! [ read: Girls Just Want to have fun. ]

7. Reflect on Your Mistakes

Everyone makes mistakes. I don’t think anyone is immune to them. But, the key to not being a repeat-offender is to reflect on what went wrong. If you assess what happened, and learn from it, you’ll have less regrets, and less reasons to feel bad about yourself. The goal is to love every part of you, so even loving the lessons you learned from mistakes is a good thing! If you are comfortable and honest with the mistakes you made, chances are your significant other won’t mind much either. [ read: common mistakes women make when trying to attract men. ]

That popular saying is nothing less than the truth. Loving yourself before you get into a relationship is the only surefire way of you knowing your own self-worth and what you mean to the world. Hope these tips/reasons and ways to love yourself have been helpful, y’all! Are there any tips you guys have on ways to love yourself before you can love someone else?